gnoll's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- holy moment part one : peanut mammal im pretty sure his name was craig but greg seems to linger too. he was in my first grade class and i figured he might still be lurking around the humberside area, despite the fact that it's been around twenty years. i was with julia looking for a place to stash my bike and figured craig's backyard was a good place. my reasoning was that if my bike was spotted by craig he'd instantly recognize that it was mine by it's smell and would assure it's safety. i swear i'm not making this up. when i came out front again julia was engaged in a pretty heavy conversation with both craig's grandmother and chris reim's too. this was all fine except that i was trying to keep things on track schedule-wise and i knew these grandmothers were'nt going to let up anytime soon. on my way to keele public school i spotted this odd looking peanut on the small lawn strip by the north fence. it looked a little more refined than your average peanut, a little smoother and more symmetrical. when i cracked it open i was quite perturbed to find a small living breathing creature inside. it looked like a fat bean shaped maggot with tiny flipper arms and upon closer inspection i small face worked it's way out from the folds - two closed new-born eyes and small crack for a mouth. i was thinking i had just discovered the worlds smallest mammal, not taking into account the fact that it would probably grow. regardless i headed straight the keele street public school office, peanut mammal in hand. at the office i waited and waited as the receptionist argued on the phone with lots of administrative jargon. while that was going down i found a plastic cup and some water for my new peanut mammal. he wasn't looking too good and i figured that i may have endangered his wellbeing by prematurely hatching him. water would do the trick no doubt, just as long as he didnt drown. i gently held him with my thumb and forefinger and dipped his tail end in the water. this sent his little flippers flapping and i figured all was good. somehow, by waiting in the office for a pretty lengthy period of time i had inadvertently become enrolled at the school. looking around i began to notice students in the office that hadn't been there a moment ago. along with this enrollment i was also obliged to take a disney-eque track ride that would effectively take me back in time, to about the time that would be suitable for me to take grades five and six over again. a series of small amusement park track cars rolled by and i jumped in one. through a dark tunnel i emerged through meat room curtains into a large 1950's automat/cafeteria themed room with apartment and storefront facades and billboard ads with bob dobbs like characters peddling booze and cigarettes. the cars slowly rolled along a conveyor belt sidelined with trays stacked with food and beverages. my assumption was that it was a free for all and that riders were encouraged to lean out, grab and consume whatever they could. a fistful of powdered grape jelly doughnuts was all i could snag. while nursing the peanut mammal with some fresh water in the bathroom i was accosted by the school thug, or at least some kid i assumed was the school thug. he asked to see the peanut mammal but kept trying to grab it out of my hands. being half my size i wasn't terribly intimidated by the school thug, and when he stepped up to the urinal to relieve himself i gave him a good kick in the ass. piss all over his hands, arms, pants.. it was a sweet sight. and then i asked "this isn't gonna be one of those typical movie scenes where your older jock brother comes walking in and kicks my ass, is it?" i was outside in the school yard for recess when i realized the peanut mammal felt a bit cold. a bit stiff too. "shit, my peanut mammal is dead!" i went back to the strip of lawn by the north fence where i originally found him figuring i could revive him there somehow. while rooting around through the grass for the remnants of his shell i found two more peanuts! without having learned my lesson i cracked one of the new peanuts open, though instead of another little peanut mammal, inside was a super compact folded poster. it turned out to be 36"x24" glossy poster promoting 'lil bow bow's upcoming album. the second peanut yielded a beige Fubu jersey. There was apparently some peanut packaging craze going on that wasn't aware of, all based on the peanut mammal and it's shell, which up until now, i was also unaware of. i figured the peanut mammal must've fallen from one of the tall looming tree's in oakmount park across the street. i started my search for more peanut shells up by some tennis courts at the top hill that overlooked the park. in the tennis courts i spotted some loose change on the ground - a two dollar coin. a few steps further i found another, and then another.. and then a pen. i figured it'd be a good idea to leave myself a message somehow, whether it was to myself in the past or future i wasn't terribly sure, but on curb i scrawled "noel wasn't really here.." and as i stopped to recall the date the school's gym teacher came up behind me and asked "so, what are you going to write next?" He wasn't sure where i came from, but he was certain i was from wither the past or the future and threatened to expose me. I sat there a moment and then ended with "that may be so, but how are you going to prove it?" part two : seventy-second floor party. i haven't lived at 703 burnhamthorpe in a long time, but regardless, i decided to have a few friends over to watch a movie before we went out. those attending : tina, her friend evan, michelle, and amy. not exactly a well rounded turnout. not a huge issue though, except when it came to choosing a movie to watch. being indifferent i let tina and evan work it out figuring they'd be the pickiest of the bunch. while that was all going down i sat to the side with michelle and we discussed age old issues - how amazing things could be between us if we'd just give in. we both agreed emphatically that we had to move forward immediately, though as i extended my hand she fell silent and her expression went flat. then the doorbell rang and some strangers made their way to the living room. a couple of kristin's friends heard about some "party" i was having through tina and decided to stop by. they were both attractive, blond, wearing prom dresses and quite difficult to tell apart from one another. only moments later a stream of other friends and acquaintances of tina's and kristin's came pouring through the front door. within minutes i knew things were going to get out of hand. in the kitchen glasses were being smashed on the floor and upstairs i could hear arguing ensuing between guests, all within minutes of their arrival. sitting next to me on the couch was some attractive asian girl. she was trying to make small talk with me and appeared a bit flighty but she was wearing a Mens Recovery Project shirt (again, im not making this up) and she kept shuffling closer to me and leaning in. when she put her hand on my leg i couldnt come up with a reason not to drag her upstairs so i essentially did just that. though her legs didn't seem to be working all that well and i couldnt figure out whether it was an alcohol induced issue or genetic. whatever, i grabbed her with both hands and dragged her up to the first bedroom which was now sporting a live rock band and about 20-30 onlookers. outside i found myself hanging out with a bunch of fraternity jocks from georgia. they said thy had just fought off three ogres with planks of wood and won themselves a keg of beer. they were heading to some penthouse party down the road and asked if i wanted to come along. "sure, but what kind of party is it exactly?" ... "well it's on the 72nd floor, an imaginary state of mind in the clouds with women in blue evening dresses sporting wicked cleavage. and they've got boxing on pay-per-view". 1:30 p.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 02, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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